Lost
by from russia with love47
Summary: "Excuse me, ma'am?" the woman looked up, startled. "I'm sorry to bother you. My name is Kate, you look a lot like someone I used to know." the woman's brow furrowed as if in deep thought, just as Kate's did. Is it possible that after 13 years of a desperate search for her mother's killer, there might not be a murder at all?
1. Chapter 1

**Disclaimer: All charaspars are property of the Castle writing team. I own nothing, but this story itself. **

Kate was inside the tiny convenience store, still soaked from the rain. She payed, grabbed the bag, and put the spare change in the tip jar. The guy at the register nodded appreciatively, and she strolled back out into the night. It had been a long month, with several laborious cases. Castle suggested that they took the boys, Lanie, Jenny, Alexis, and Martha and escaped to the Hamptons for the week. Nobody objected, everyone had been pretty strained lately.

Kate decided she should fill the tank, so she pulled her car up to the gas station out front. She sat drumming on the dash, and watched as a black Lexus pulled up across from her. The woman stepped out of the car, and Kate, realizing her meter was done, hopped out. Kate looked up and inhaled sharply. _It couldn't be._ It wasn't possible. But the resemblance was uncanny.

Beckett whipped out her phone, and took a series of photos of the woman. Johanna Beckett had been dead for 13 years. There was absolutely no plausible way the woman standing before her was her mother. After a few minutes of silent debate, the detective in Beckett won out.

"Excuse me, ma'am?" the woman looked up, startled. "I'm sorry to bother you. My name is Kate, you look a lot like someone I used to know." the woman's brow furrowed as if in deep thought, just as Kate's did.

"I'm sorry, I don't think we've met." Kate felt something inside her break just a little bit more.

"Right. Sorry to bother you." Kate watched as the woman drove off, and noticed something on the bumper. _Yankees for the win, 1998. _Kate's stomach dropped. Once in the car, she let the walls drop, and the pain flood in. Her tears mixed with the rain dripping from her hair, and she was glad for the distraction that was the road.

* * *

"Bro where the hell is Beckett? I'm starving." Esposito complained Everyone had crowded around the island in the kitchen.

"I know, she left over an hour ago." Ryan said, taking a swig of his beer.

"I'm starting to get worried." Lanie added. Castle pulled out his phone, hitting the 1 on his speed dial. He put the phone on speaker, and put it in the middle of the island.

"Beckett." she sounded weary.

"Kate?"

"Hey Castle." she sounded like she had been crying. They were all looking at each other quizzically.

"Kate what's wrong?"

"Nothing."

"It's not nothing. Talk to me." he pleaded.

"Just give me a second. I'm pulling up now." the line disconnected.

"That was weird." Ryan broke the uneasy silence.

"Was it just me, or did she sound like she was crying?" Lanie asked. Just then, the door opened and closed, they heard the lock click, and Beckett was walking towards them with empty hands. Castle watched as Kate finally walked into the kitchen. Yep, she had definitely been crying.

"Oh, Katie." he pulled her in tightly, and gave her a small squeeze, before pulling back, arms still around her waist. He pushed some stray hairs out of her face, before giving her a small kiss. Leading her over to the island, he made space between him and Martha.

"Kate, darling. What happened?" Martha's concern was evident.

"This is going to sound crazy, but I think I saw my mom." her eyes darted up long enough to see the astonished looks painted on everyone's face.

**Reviews are much appreciated. **


	2. Chapter 2

**Okay, so the last chapter was a little short. Sorry about that. I'm not sure where I want this to go just yet, but if you want to suggest something, I'd be more than happy to oblige.**

* * *

"It couldn't have actually been her." Ryan stated exasperated.

"I don't know, bro. Stranger things have happened." Esposito retorted.

"Kate, are you sure you saw her? It's pretty dark out." Castle said. She was still having trouble controlling her breath. Kate turned, and strode out of the room.

"Kate!" several people called. Seconds later, she returned clutching something. She smoothed the old picture out in front of everyone.

"Hold on a second." Beckett pulled her phone out of her pocket, opening up the camera roll. Placing the phone next to the picture, and an audible gasp passed through the small gathering.

"Oh my God." Someone said. The women in both photos were identical. Or woman.

"Oh, darling," Martha whispered, pulling Kate into her side.

"I've spent my whole life, avenging someone who never really died."

"How can we be sure it's her?" Castle asked quietly. Kate flipped through the pictures, stopping at the last one. _Yankees for the win, 1998. _

"Trust me, it's her," Kate felt herself start to cry. "I need some air. Excuse me."

They looked on in pity; as they watched the strongest woman any of them had ever known, completely break. Rick made to follow her, but Martha grabbed him by the arm.

"I think it's best if you leave her be."

* * *

Beckett was sitting by the indoor pool, going back and forth in her head. Her mother had been dead for 13 years. But had she? Beckett had seen the body. Positioned as if sleeping, except for the vicious stab wounds, and blood that was spread all over her blouse.

That woman claimed not to know Kate. If her mother really was alive, she lied about not recognizing her own daughter. Kate's stomach tightened, and her head was pounding. God her head hurt! Kate rubbed her knuckles furiously over her forehead, where she knew the vein would be protruding.

Beckett pushed off the ground, and silently entered the bedroom. She sat on the edge of the bed unmoving, for God knows how long. Rick walked in and gently began undressing her. She still didn't move. Rick slid the white gold band off of her slim finger and placed it on the nightstand. He pulled her t-shirt over her head, unbuttoned her jeans, and put her in one of his softest t-shirts.

Then, he grabbed a towel from the bathroom, and gently began ringing out her hair. She didn't so much as flinch. Once he got it as dry as possible, he pulled back the covers. Kate still wasn't moving. Rick picked her up carefully, and placed her in the bed, pulling the covers almost completely over her.

He got in the other side, and gathered her up in his arms. Finally moving, Kate turned into him. His arms enclosed her tightly, her face in his neck, before she sobbed uncontrollable, heart-wrenching sobs that racked her slim frame. Rick held on tightly, her sobs conjuring tears of his own.

"Shh. It's okay. You're okay. I'm here." The crying didn't stop for hours, and he had never felt more helpless.

* * *

**Just in case you missed the little snippet above, they are indeed married already. Reviews are much appreciated.**


	3. Chapter 3

**This chapter is ridiculously short, I realize that. I'm quite swamped at the moment, and I still need a place for this to go. Thanks for reading. Reviews are much appreciated!**

* * *

"Yo, Beckett," Esposito called across the kitchen. Her head snapped up. "We took that picture of your mom's license plate and brought it to your boy Brady. He gave us an address."

"Javi, Kev, I appreciate what you're trying to do, but we should just let it go." Everyone stared at Kate as if she were ill. "No, you're right, let's go." She hopped off the bar stool, kissed Rick on the cheek, and jogged to the car with the boys.

The house was a short drive away. It was a creamy white, the shutters a light blue. Beckett rang the doorbell, when no one came she proceeded to Cop Knock on the door.

"No one's home."

"Thank you, Captain Obvious." Beckett said in a light tone. The woman that lived there subscribed to the _New York Times. _Beckett reached inside the bad containing the paper, and pulled out the card.

They got home an hour later, to find everyone still sitting around the table. Jenny and Lanie were talking and laughing, Rick was half-heartedly teasing Alexis about her new boyfriend, and Martha was, well, Martha. Espo and Ryan sat down next to their fiancée and wife. The room went silent as Beckett sat down next to Castle.

"Did you find anything?" Castle spoke up softly.

"No one answered the door," More sympathetic looks. "But, the woman that lives there subscribes to the _New York Times. _The name it's registered to was Angela Cannon." Some of them looked confused; Rick smiled in remembrance. "Temptation Lane. That's my mom."


	4. Chapter 4

**Hi! I finally think I know where I want this to go, so hopefully I'll be updating more often. Just to clear up some previous confusion, when I said 'the boys' I meant Ryan and Esposito, there are no little Castle babies, yet :). Thanks for reading!**

* * *

"I can't just ignore her! You didn't see the look on her face when I told her I didn't know her." Johanna Beckett pleaded with the FBI agent.

"Johanna, you know I care about you. I've been protecting you for the past 13 years, but it's not safe for you to be seen in public yet." Agent Reilly said.

"This is my daughter we're talking about here! She's risked her life trying to find my 'killer' far too many times. And I hate to burst your bubble, but I'm pretty sure she's figured it out."

"That's not possible." Reilly argued in disbelief.

"She's a clever girl. Too clever," Johanna smiled lovingly. "I haven't had contact with anyone. You saw what it did to Jim. Katie had to take care of him when she could barely see past her own grief."

"I'm sorry, Johanna, but it's too dangerous!"

"If you know me at all, you also know my daughter. She's stubborn as hell. She won't give this one up, and then it'll crush her." Reilly sighed in defeat.

"Okay, but I want a list of all the people staying with her." Johanna smirked.

"Richard Castle- my favorite author, and Katie's husband.  
Martha Rogers- her mother-in-law.  
Alexis Castle- her step daughter.  
Lanie Parish- her best friend of about 10 years.  
Javier Esposito- Kate's partner, ex-military.  
Kevin Ryan- Kate's other partner, computer whiz.  
Jenny Ryan- Ryan's wife, friend of Kate and Lanie." Reilly let out a low whistle.

"You really did your research." Johanna shrugged.

"It's my job to know these things."

"And you're sure they can be trusted?" Johanna rolled her eyes, Beckett style. He chuckled. "Just checking."

* * *

The sky was a brilliant blue, and the sun beat down, making the ocean a blissful relief from the heat. They had decided to take a day off from Johanna-hunting, and went down to the beach. Rick and Alexis were attempting to make a sand Castle, (pun intended), Lanie and Jenny were talking, safely away from the tide. Martha was reading countless theatrical magazines, and Kate, Ryan, and Esposito were tackling each other into the water.

Everyone stopped when Kate out a girlish shriek. Heads whipped up to see Esposito with Beckett thrown over his shoulder. Her laugh was happy and carefree, it made Castle grin widely. They kept watch as Esposito tossed Beckett to Ryan. They were playing catch, with Beckett as the football.

"Don't you drop my girl!" Lanie called. They dropped her into the water and turned guiltily to face Lanie. "I'm gonna come over there and I'mma smack you!" Silently, Beckett resurfaced, and in one fluid motion, knocked Ryan and Esposito's legs out from under them. Laughing heartily, she jogged over to where the girls were sitting and grabbed a towel. After drying off considerably, she pulled on Castle's discarded Captain America shirt.

Several hours, and many water fights later, they split up to shower and change for dinner. All previous ailments pushed aside, Kate had quite a lot of fun. Sitting around the fire pit outside, snuggled up to Castle, she felt whole. That is until she heard it. Her phone was ringing, it was a ringtone she hadn't heard yet.

Kate slowly rose from her seat, and crossed over to the patio table. She didn't recognize the number. Kate took a deep breath.

"Beckett." her voice was unnaturally calm, even.

"Oh, Katie." her mother said.

* * *

"Mom? Where are you?"

"I think it would be best if we talked in person." Kate agreed to meet Johanna at her safe house later that same night.

"Who was that?" Rick asked softly, as she sat back down.

"My mom." she said with a distant look in her eye.

"What'd she say?" Esposito asked without missing a beat.

"Not much. Just that she wants me to meet her in an hour." Kate put her head in her hands and kneaded the throbbing vein in her temple vigorously. Rick rubbed gentle circles on her back. They stayed that way for about thirty minutes, while everyone else chatted quietly around them.

"I'd better get going." Rick nodded silently, kissing her on the lips. "Be back soon."

"I love you."

"As I love you." He kissed her knuckle, just above the slim band. She changed into some dark jeans and her NYPD hoodie. Her hand shook as she directed the car to her mother's house.

* * *

**Knock, knock. **The door swung open instantly. The two women appraised each other, then reached out at the exact same time, pulling the other into a bone crushing hug. Kate released a breath she hadn't realized she had been holding. The tightness in her chest, the constant reminder, the pain that always seemed to loom nearby, was all demolished in that instant. And in that moment, Kate didn't care what her mother did, or that she had disappeared, or that she never died in the first place, all she felt was pure joy, even on the worst day.

* * *

**Just to clear some things up from this chapter: There is absolutely nothing going on between Johanna and Reilly, for some that are worried. He is simply her guardian and occasionally a friend and confidante. For the sake of the story, she's represented him in court a few times, so there is trust. I hope to bring Jim in at some point, though I still need to figure out how I want to do that. Reviews are much appreciated!**


	5. Chapter 5

**The whole caller ID thing was totally stupid on my part, and I could've sworn I took that out before I posted the chapter. Apparently not. So, thank you to the people who caught that because I never would've.**

* * *

They sat at the counter, drinking coffee. Reilly stood broodingly in a corner.

"Johanna, I don't like this."

"Shut up, Reilly." they said in synchronization. Kate slid her hand into her mother's. She needed some sort of physical link to the ghost she was sitting with. There was a brief pause, while Kate tried to figure out what to say.

"You want to know why." Johanna said quietly. Kate nodded, unsurprised. "You know about Bob Armen's murder, and Montgomery's involvement. And that I was working with Joe Pulgatti, who knew what really happened. Eventually I came across Bracken's involvement, how he'd been using that money to start his political career. He hired Dick Coonan to kill me and a few other people that figured it out." Reilly took over from there.

"Gary McCallister was a friend of mine. I got him to stage your mother's murder, he convinced John Raglan to help him. We believe that's what Raglan was trying to tell you before he was killed. They were both involved in Armen's murder, but they wanted to make it right. Not that it helped much." Reilly chuckled darkly.

"Where does Coonan fit into all of this? Obviously, you couldn't have just staged a murder without the murderer."

"A vest. And lots of fake blood."

"Now I know where the acting skills come from." Kate muttered. Johanna laughed lightly.

"It was just as much for your protection as it was mine. I couldn't guarantee you and your father's safety while Bracken wanted me dead."

"So you're in WITSEC?" Johanna nodded. "Then why are you still in New York? Shouldn't you be in a different country? And Angela Cannon? Really? Could you have been a bit more obvious?" Johanna threw her head back and laughed.

"I'm very stubborn. You should know that by now, we're exactly alike."

"She dug her heels in, I knew she wouldn't budge. We compromised on the Hamptons. As long as she doesn't let a everyone see her." Reilly commented, checking his phone.

"It was mostly because I wanted to be near you and your father. I'm so sorry for what happened, after. You should be very proud. You saved his life. I wish I could've told you sooner. Like I said, I didn't want to put either of you in any more danger." By that time, both women were trying not to cry, and still failing. Reilly began slowly backing out of the room. "Scared the hell out of me when you became a cop. Then the shooting, and it's all my fault. By not being there, I put you in an equal amount of danger." She choked back a small sob.

"It's not your fault. I should've listened to Rick, and of course I didn't." Kate nervously twisted the band on her finger. Which incidentally, was the one that used to hang on the chain around her neck. Johanna took Kate's hand and inspected the band. "Guess you'll want this back," Kate chuckled.

"No, it looks good on you." Johanna smirked.

"You just like it because I married Him."

"He_ is_ unbelievably cool. Thought to use my ring, what a sweetheart."

"God, mom. You sound like Martha." Johanna snorted.

"Speaking of acting skills-"

"Mom-" Kate warned.

"What? I saw her in Midsummer's Night Dream. Lovely woman. I'd really like to meet her son though."

"You'll love him." Kate's eyes sparkled with pride.

"I know." they lapsed into a comfortable silence.

"You shouldn't have to hide out here," Kate said a few minutes later.

"Well, considering I can't go back to the city, there's not many options."

"I have an idea."

"Oh, yeah? What's that?"

"Simple. We take down Bracken." her eyes glittered darkly.


	6. Chapter 6

**I haven't written in forever, sorry about that, I've been super busy. This chapter is pretty bad, but I'm trying to transition in the Bracken Hunt, and things'll be slow for a bit before I can get to the good part. **

_**In light of recent events, I'd like to offer my condolences to the victims of the tragedy in Boston, and I'd like to ask everybody to just take a minute to pray for the people involved. **_

**As always, thank you for your continued support, it's much appreciated.**

* * *

"Johanna, I don't like this."

"Shut up Reilly." The Beckett women said in unison.

"Just concerned for your safety." He muttered under his breath.

"I appreciate it,"

They pulled into the Castle's driveway. Reilly hustled over to Johanna's side of the car.

They had spent hours mapping out a plan, officially ruling out assassination, eventually deciding to call Jim and head over to Castle's to wait.

"I'm not sure about-"

"Shut up Reilly." They said again.

"Damn fools. I'm the only one here that has a brain."

"Reilly, I swear to God…" Kate threatened, jaw clenched.

"Fine, but anything happens, I'm taking Johanna, and we're getting the hell out of here."

"Reilly, what the hell is going to happen? It's my family in there. Half of whom are cops." Kate reached for her key, but the door swung open revealing a disheveled Castle, who probably hadn't slept, and everyone else either sitting on the steps or leaning against the railing. He pulled her tightly into his arms and kissed her hair. She laughed lightly.

"I take it you missed me."

"Of course I did. You were gone for like six hours." He whined playfully. He turned his attention away from Kate when he heard an oddly Kate-like laugh that wasn't coming from her.

His breath caught in his throat, and they stepped aside, permitting Johanna and a pissed looking Agent Reilly into the house.

"Mrs. Beckett,"

"Johanna," she corrected, warm brown eyes sparkling.

"Johanna," he smiled. "I never thought that I'd get to meet you." He stepped forward, and she pulled him into a tight hug.

"Nor me, you."

Johanna was passed from person to person, some, like Lanie, choked up, and others, like Ryan, grinned from ear to ear. They set up camp in the kitchen and Johanna retold the story of how she came 'back to life'. She never let go of Katie once. There was a knock on the door a few hours later.

"That'll be dad," Kate stood up, then noticing Johanna hadn't moved, sat back down. "Are you okay?" the other looked around, and Martha motioned for everyone to clear off.

"What I did to him, what I did to both of you, is unforgivable. How can I ever make up for what I did?"

"Hey, you were just trying to keep us safe. If there's anything I can understand it's that."

"I got my daughter shot."

"That was not your fault. Don't you dare blame yourself." Jim knocked again, louder this time. "We have to answer."

"I know." Kate stood again, offering her hand to Johanna. Their hands clasped firmly together they headed for the door.

"Maybe I should explain a bit first." Johanna nodded, and then went to stand a bit out of the way.

"Katie," Jim said, breaking into a smile.

"Hey daddy." She pulled him in close. By now he could sense that something was off.

"What's wrong?"

"Nothing," she said a little too quickly. "Everything's perfect actually." She smiled happily, and squeezed him tighter.

"Mom?"

"Katie-" he started. All the air in his lungs came out with an audible whoosh when he saw her.

"Jo," her father was crying. Her father was actually crying. "Jo." He repeated. He moved much faster than Kate thought he was capable. He touched her shoulder first, as if to make sure she was real, then he pulled her into a bone-crushing hug. "Jo," he didn't seem able to say anything else, just choke out her name. Johanna was crying again as well.

Somewhere along the way, someone suggested they go for a walk, and no one saw or heard from them again that night. (Reilly was of course following, incognito.)

**Later that Night**

Kate stood at the sink, brushing her teeth, when she felt a familiar pair of arms wrap around her middle. He kissed her shoulder, and they looked into each other's eyes, neither saying anything, but communicating without words. He took her hand in his and led her over to the bed, flipping off lights as they went.

"Penny for your thoughts," she murmured, brushing the hair out of his bright blue eyes.

"I feel so incredibly blessed right now," he said. "I feel like I'm getting the greatest gift, I never thought I'd meet the person that shaped your entire life. I always dreamt of it though. Kate, she's extraordinary. I can see where you get it from." Her lips curled into a sweet smile, and she kissed his lips, very gently.

"I know what you mean. I got her back." Her eyes filled with tears of pure bliss, and she settled into his chest. He stroked her hair lovingly, she fell asleep instantly, and for the first time since she lost her mother, she slept without the crushing weight.


	7. Chapter 7

Stark white floors, mopped to a pristine shine, marred by scarlet blood. It coats the floor in a slippery track leading down the hall. The double doors swing open to find a dying man. His last words do not leave his lips, instead a gurgle of blood, eyes roll back into his head, his gallant soul leaves him like the dimming of a light. No longer a person, just an empty shell. John Reilly no longer exists on this earth as a living being. In time, he would be in a wooden box. Loved ones would throw dirt on his coffin, leave flowers. Friends would come and go, mourn, and forget. The flowers would only last so long. Flowers wilt, people die, we say goodbye; that's how the unseen endings go.

**24 Hours Previous:**

**12 p.m.  
** "We've gone over these already. Bracken is untouchable." Beckett through her hands up in exasperation.

"No one is untouchable detective. As long as you dig deep enough, you're bound to strike gold eventually." Reilly leaned against the wall, a copy Bracken's financials in hand.

"Wait a minute, I think I just did." Ryan, Esposito, Castle, Reilly, and Johanna leaned forward expectantly.

"Each month, Bracken puts in a deposit to this account," she indicated the yellow highlighted sections. "Never the same amount, and not too large of an amount. Maybe so he doesn't arouse suspicion in case of a scenario like this?"

"We already confirmed that account as a trust fund for his kids."

"But I ran this account," she pointed at the green highlighted sections. "and this is the actual trust fund. So, whatever this account is, he's used the trust fund as a counter. I bet this is an offshore account he uses to fund his killing sprees."

"He's a wealthy guy, why the transfers? Why leave a money trail?" Castle asked.

"Dick Coonan cost him 100 grand. His wife would notice if 100 thousand dollars went missing from their account. Do you really think she knows what a monster her husband is?"

"How can you marry someone and never find out that they're a complete psychopath?" Ryan wondered aloud.

"Yeah, you'd tell me if you were secretly a serial killer, right?"

"No, I think I'd go all Dexter Morgan on you." Castle made an 'ouch' face. "To answer your question Ryan, psychopaths are so good at lying because they don't feel genuine emotions, faking emotions comes very naturally to them. The right chemical imbalance gives us the David Berkowitz's of the world." This was regarded in silent competence. "Anyway, Ryan, see if you can track that offshore account."

"Sure thing, boss."


End file.
